how do i feel?

today.....

yup blogging again.these few days dont feel like on9-ing plus blogging is due to some personal reasons of mine.because is really very fustrating these few days.i dont know when will this feeling fade/go away.cause i hate it so much.trying to ignore but its so hard.hopefully soon it will cure someday but time wouldnt cure that much.no matter how long ,the feeling is becoming a mark in me.just hoping that the only cure is the person i need the most now.but i truely understand why is he doing this i dont blame him.there are alot of stuff i wanted to tell him but its hard to even meet him or communicate with him or chat with him.he dont even have a phone as in aaahhhh long story.i dont really know whether it is the truth or not.but hopefully its the truth.i know he used to be a p*ayb*y.but i trying to ignore it.what should i actually feel now.seeing all my friends having boyfriends,date and hugging and kisssing!? me ? am i suppose to be someones light bulb forever? just hopefully everythings fine.i think he dont know how i feel and i really dowan him to know my feeling cause i just want him to be happy with his life plus i dowan to control him at all as long he have his limits then im fine with it..i want him to be happy being with his girlfriend cause i dowan him to complain that ohhh his girlfriends is controlling him and stuff..that sounds sucks.there is more that i wanna say and spill it out but its just aaaahhhhhhhh so geram so i gotta stop right now.

i dont wanna break down.

should i actually talk to him how i feel? but i scare after telling it will be worst la.so i rather be save than sorry..his just stuck in my mind.so hard to even put him aside.i want to but NO cant! my love towards him is too deep.really need him now.wanna hug him.



i just dont understand that we couple already and it feels like nothing.whats the whole point? i just freakking love him!

signing off-wL